[Note: This series originally started as a project on Reddit, and we are archiving the posts here on our site. You can find the original Bible Study posts here. This is the first of our Bible Studies that we split into two parts, but going forward, most of them will be split into two parts.]
Both BobbyJ and I have been looking forward to dissecting Yunho's page, so we may have gotten over excited and gone off the rails, but we feel as though the conversation may be our closest to Enlightenment yet. It is long and meandering–so long in fact that we cannot post it in one go.
So please, enjoy part 1 of our Yunho discussion, with part 2 to come later.
Today, we are discussing Yunho’s page: Weather is clear.
GD: I am going to consider which scented candle will give me the appropriate Halazia blessings for our weekly bible study, and I can't decide if the right vibe is indigo suede or amethyst amber.
BobbyJ: Based on name alone I feel indigo suede. I need to make tea.
GD: Indigo Suede is lit and has become the official scent of the practice of Halazia. I suppose we should start Officially, but I do want to say that I'm very excited because this page is one of those that has always been hard for my mind to take in, so I am excited for Enlightenment
BobbyJ: I am settling. One moment
GD: Take your time, please. One doesn't rush Enlightenment.
01: What are your thoughts on the page?
BobbyJ: Alright. This page does leave me with a lot of questions--even more so after knowing what happens later
GD: Yes.
BobbyJ: At first read, you think his brother must be in a coma. But we know later on that his brother is dead.
GD: It does read as if his brother is not there in some way. Like, it's clear something is not exactly right about this page. I think it gives me the not right feeling that you described from Hongjoong and Seonghwa's pictures.
BobbyJ: Hold on--I've had a thought… LISTEN. This is getting ahead, but they never say that his brother is dead--not until he gets hit by the car at the end. And even then they say he "passed out" not that he died.
GD: They don't ever say it, no. It's left very open. Hold on, I need to look up something… It's San's page in Epilogue that tells us he was "dead." But even still, it just says he's "brought back to life", and with the way they use the words living alive, I don't think that necessarily means he was dead.
BobbyJ: It doesn't really change anything about the story; Yunho can still feel guilty if his brother is in a coma. But it does make a bit weird that he leaves him bleeding on the street to go rescue Yeo–if he's not dead, I mean… I think to proceed, we need to work with what we see on the page. That may be their intention, for us not to know for sure
GD: Yes, I'm closing the Epilgoue book. It will not help me here. But reading this, it does feel like Yunho's brother is inaccessible at the very least, and it's very reminiscent of the way people talk to gravestones?
BobbyJ: I've always thought he was at a columbarium
GD: That's how it reads to me too. There's almost a denial to it. There's something heartbreaking about the "you look like you are in such a good mood today." Like he's remembering other, similar days where his brother was in a good mood
BobbyJ: He says he's nostalgic, so that makes sense
GD: He also says he avoids thinking about it, which supports a reading of slight denial. I feel like denial is the wrong word, but the right one is escaping me.
BobbyJ: The guitar is interesting. I wonder why he says "it seems like you abandoned your dream" if he stopped playing the guitar because of the accident which is what I've always thought. But perhaps his brother had dropped it earlier? I wonder if they had a falling out before the accident.
GD: What does the word abandon mean? I need you to walk down a little path with me for a second and play something out… I have always thought of Yunho as feeling slightly guilty? And perhaps that's true. But what if he also feels a little angry? Guilt and anger are often flip sides of each other. People feel angry when they have to feel guilty. If Yunho does have some denial, and he believes his brother will wake up from this long hibernation, is it possible that his brother never really abandoned his dreams? He just died before they can be achieved? So, Yunho is feeling a little like his brother's death is the abandonment of the dream?
BobbyJ: Possibly. And I do think denial is the right word. It's like he's stuck in that stage of grief. Actually, it kind of feels like he's also stuck in bargaining as well. Like achieving his brother's dream is a way to bring him back.
GD: It's interesting to me that he connects his brother with Hongjoong. We know that Hongjoong is motivated by this desire to get his family back and have them notice him. To
be this beloved star that people will have to see and notice
BobbyJ: Complete conjecture: but it makes me wonder if Hongjoong is what Yunho wished his brother would be like
GD: In some ways, Yunho and Hongjoong are motivated by the same thing? To get their family back, though it's also completely different. I think his connecting of Hongjoong to his brother gives some credence to the idea that Yunho and his brother may have had a falling out simply because of Hongjoong's reasoning behind wanting to be a star.
BobbyJ: The more I think about it, the more I do think they must have had beef between them. It implies that Yunho comes to see his brother every day, and not to pull too much from later entries, he does seem to feel a lot of guilt for what happened. He's very much living in the past and refusing to let go of his brother's memory or of the possibility that he'll wake up, depending on your interpretation. Even his motivation is based not on what he wants but on what his brother wanted
GD: Right; his entire motivation seems to be to make his brother's dream come true–really has nothing to do with any of his own wants and dreams--it's not really implied that he has any
BobbyJ: When he says "On a day like this, we would have gone to the Han River for some street performance, right?" do we think he means that they would watch performances? Or would give performances?
GD: I had the same question.
BobbyJ: Because if they would give performances together, that would imply that music was Yunho's dream too.
GD: I keep sticking on the "broken guitar" bit. He says that it reminds him of "a broken side" of his brother, and I have two really competing thoughts about that. One, is the sort of on its face interpretation that the guitar is broken and his brother is dead, so that's what Yunho is reminded of. But I have this like nagging feeling that it's possible the guitar is what "broke" his brother? You know there are many many Ateez songs that seem to address the allure of power and fame and this almost... sinister quality that can accompany a person's dreams? So obviously also complete conjecture, but I'm left with the question of whether his brother's dreams is what led to their falling out, and so that's why Yunho is now so committed to achieving them?
BobbyJ: Well, we find out later the surface meaning is his brother's leg. But if we think about how the guitar may have been broken, perhaps his brother did it himself out of frustration or fear?
GD: I feel like there is something to explore there.
BobbyJ: I wonder if perhaps Yunho broke the guitar
GD: That's what I was wondering too. It makes me wonder if at the very least, Yunho wasn't exactly supportive of his brother's dreams, and perhaps feared them? Feared what it could do to them, or what they'd mean. He seems to feel like he has a lot to make up for
BobbyJ: Yunho strikes me as very practical and down to earth in the diaries. So, it would make sense if he discouraged his brother following his dreams because of his injury/condition
GD: I also want to touch on the "now I am laughing" bit
BobbyJ: I was just looking at that
GD: A very clear indication that Yunho considers this a place outside of his reality in my opinion. A place where he can pretend everything is good and normal--a true hide out. It could be that he's starting to heal and move on, but in the context of the rest of the entry, it doesn't read like that to me.
BobbyJ: Not at all. He says that he and the boys will achieve his brother's dream--and I wonder how much the boys are aware of this. I also have a slightly different interpretation of the abandoned guitar after reading it again. I think what he means is that he's keeping the guitar out of sight because seeing it unused makes it seem like his brother abandoned his dream when that's not the case. So now I'm wondering if the guitar was broken in the accident.
GD: Yes, that seems like a very possible interpretation. I imagine it would be very painful to have such a physical reminder of your brother's death just lying around, so it would absolutely make sense to not want to see it. If he doesn't see it, can he live in this pretend world where he's working with 'his brother' to achieve his dream?
BobbyJ: So, it's almost like claiming it feels like his brother abandoned his dream is a way of covering up the truth--that it reminds him of the accident--because he's in denial
GD: Yeah, I don't think his brother abandoned the dream before death; I think death is being interpreted as abandonment: an almost "if you'd wanted it enough, you'd still be alive", which is obviously wrong but I think a not uncommon feeling of those left behind.
BobbyJ: Death doesn't make sense on an emotional level--that this person who was here is just not here anymore, so we have to come up with ways to make it make sense
GD: We don't get a lot of sense of their parents here either. Doesn't it feel a bit like his brother's death left him quite alone in the world?
BobbyJ: There really aren't a lot of parents altogether–not present anyway. But Yunho does feel pretty detached. If he has parents, they obviously don't factor into the story at all. So why mention them, I guess.
GD: The fact that they don't factor into the story is telling in some ways tho, especially for what his story line is. Like, with Seonghwa, his story line is of feeling too much obligation, so it doesn't really matter whether his parents are there or not–it really has nothing to do with them either way. Something about Yunho's storyline being to live out his brother's dream.. the absence of parents in that storyline feels like it's telling us something about the family dynamic
BobbyJ: Parents are either physically or emotionally absent
GD: Hongjoong's parents are absent and that is his storyline, you know? He wants his family to notice him
BobbyJ: The fact that Yunho doesn't mention them at all means they aren't part of his motivations. I wonder if perhaps he's estranged from them because of what happened to his brother
GD: Right--I think the fact that they're not mentioned is Important for Yunho's story. Something we probably need to inspect closer as we read more of his diary pages. The Epilogue is just such a problem for me.
BobbyJ: Because he feels guilty, he wouldn't be seeking reconciliation because he would feel he doesn't deserve it. Or potentially his parents were never part of the picture and that's why he and his brother were so close
GD: Or why he feels such a connection to Hongjoong now? Perhaps the family had not been close for a while and post his brother's death, he sees some of his brother's motivation in Hongjoong.
BobbyJ: I feel like multiple interpretations make sense and fit with what happens in the story
GD: I have one more bit that feels Important when I read it: "When the time comes, you must wake up from this long hibernation." The line truly comes full circle with Halazia, doesn't it?
BobbyJ: Metaphorically, you mean?
GD: Yes. I said one of the things I wanted to think about was their individual reasons for helping in Strictland. If Yunho is interpreting his brother as not literally dead, but asleep... doesn't it just work well story wise for him to want to Wake Up these people who have lost the ability to feel passion and have their own dreams?
BobbyJ: (Slightly unrelated, but I've always loved the certainty of saying "when the time comes.") It does work well. But, like you said, epilogue diary becomes a problem in that case.
GD: I don't know it almost works better: when his brother is still alive, he doesn't have any reason to go back to Strictland to help. It works in a theoretical way, I guess.
BobbyJ: Yes, it only works if his brother is actually dead and there's nothing Yunho can do for him. If his brother is just "passed out" and not dead, then I have several questions about why Yunho doesn't stay to make sure he's taken care of. But if he knows his brother is actually dead and that he can't be awoken, then that sort of ends his motivation of waking people, thematically. That sentence is a mess
GD: It's interesting--the language--it is very normal for people to not say "they died". They use "they passed away" "they're not with us anymore" "they didn't make it". People don't like to say the words, "they're dead." It feels harsh, final, and scary.
BobbyJ: I need to walk down a tangent. In which I am getting ahead of myself but it must be done. So, let's say that in the original timeline, Yunho's brother is not dead but in a coma. Yunho is living in limbo, so to speak. Maybe his brother will wake up someday maybe he won't. Either way, Yunho wants his brother to be proud that Yunho accomplished his brother's dreams (there's another tangent in here that I'm setting aside for now). But when the boys get sent back in time in "A" world, we're pre-accident now. Ho Bro is now alive and fine. But, when Ateez steals the Cromer, which they did not do in the original timeline, they change things. The timeline is different now (unless you believe in my One-TEEZ theory). And because the timeline changes, Yunho's brother dies for real.
GD: That would be a super harsh price to pay. But it does have a cost right? Using the cromer, going back to the past, changing things? There is an exchange for it.
BobbyJ: It would be indeed. Which is why I think he's been dead the whole time. I just can't see Yunho leaving his brother unless he's actually dead at the end. They obviously can't control the Cromer, it sends them where it wants, so he has no idea how to return to this specific moment. So it's not like he's going to go save Yeo real quick and be back in a jiff.
GD: I also think his brother is dead; and there's some interesting questions about the meaning of fate in these diaries.
BobbyJ: Right. It's like his brother was meant to die no matter what
GD: Is his brother fated to die? So no matter what, it will be the same end regardless, no matter how much they change the timeline or how different the boots on the ground is, the end result is still the end result
BobbyJ: Which begs the question, why have the Cromer at all if nothing can be changed
GD: I need you to watch Reborn Rich.
BobbyJ: I have watched up to episode 4 or 5. I set it aside for Alchemy of Souls. I plan to get back to it
GD: Excellent. The ending is interesting and relevant, so everyone's homework is to watch Reborn Rich so I can spoil it freely.
BobbyJ: I want to talk about this picture
GD: Ah, yes. The picture.
BobbyJ: This one also gives me that wrong feeling. And I think, once again, it's the lighting. Why is it lit like this? Other members are lit more naturally. But Hongjoong, Hwa and Yunho have this really harsh flash. Like, compare Yunho's with Yeo's
GD: I'm noticing a lot of yellow and almost a blue (more grey), but it seems relevant to our earlier conversation (which is helpfully not here or accessible) about the coloring of the Halazia music video.
BobbyJ: Memories maybe? He's looking at something and probably reminiscing. What is he looking at though?
GD: Yeah, if yellow represents memories, does the yellow, harsh lighting of our first three boys represent that we are seeing into their past? It looks like a paintbrush and I cannot for the life of me understand why. It should be a guitar pick?
BobbyJ: That's what I was thinking. But it's too big. Do we need a quick religious watching of Yunho's segment of the diary film?
GD: Perhaps. Diary film or fever road? They show us slightly different things
BobbyJ: Is it maybe a pencil for writing music? He has blank sheet music in front of him
GD: Yunho is episode 3 of fever road by the way, and I am watching his bit now
BobbyJ: I'll watch the diary film then
GD: So the prologue bit: it's called Yunho's dream, and there is a cracked mirror. He sees drums and instruments and what appears to be a music room, and that seems to cause him real physical pain. Like he wishes to push it all away from him, which is interesting considering that he adopts it as his own dream.
BobbyJ: In diary film he literally says what happened to his brother was his fault. Also, I’m sorry I did not appreciate ZFP1 Yunho in his time because wow.
GD: His epilogue in fever road is very heavily "Hongjoong looks like my brother and the rest of the team is like me; I can't just sit around being sad because I have to make the dream come true." In the epilogue, it feels much more like he's moving on than it does in this page. On the film, I guess the question is, he says it's his fault, but is it his fault?
BobbyJ: Phone, 5:07. Hit by a car and that’s it. Mystery is not solved Did Yunho send his brother a text that distracted him and caused him to be hit? Is that why he's transported into his brother's place at the end? Though, I think that whether he's actually responsible is not the point. The point is he feels responsible
GD: It just still could be anything; perhaps he wouldn't have been out alone if Yunho would have supported his brothers dreams; perhaps Yunho was upset his brother was going to a practice and sent him a text. That he feels responsible is pretty clear from his actions even without the explicit nature of the film.
BobbyJ: I really want to talk about ZFP3 Yunho now. It's like when he absolves Left Eye of his guilt, he's almost doing the same for himself as well--or maybe starting to realize whatever happened wasn't his fault but again, ahead of myself.
GD: It's hard to not get ahead of oneself
BobbyJ: That brings me to my question from earlier. How old are Ateez supposed to be now in universe? Are they still teenagers?
GD: A teenager Z. Right there in the name.
BobbyJ: How much time has passed since ZFP1?
GD: It's hard to know if we are supposed to interpret these stories as happening one right after another or in real time as they're playing out in the real world. Because between albums, it does feel like we get a bit of a maturity jump. It's hard to explain how they do some of the stuff they handle in World if you assume only a couple of months have passed since they arrived in Z.
BobbyJ: Epilogue diary implies that they're in the past for 2 weeks; which is neither here nor there except it's the only one with a specific mention of time--outside of the Dear Diary track on zfp1. What if the Treasure series is about the process of growing up?
GD: I still believe the Treasure series is like a metaphorical road map for their storyline. Treasure corresponding to the Fever series, and the themes of figuring out what's important and finding your dreams. Say My Name to the World series, about finding your internal power and abilities.
BobbyJ: I am fully off topic now, but at the end of Epilogue diary, when Ateez sends that morse code message, it seems like it's been a long time since that they've been gone.
GD: I know what you mean. But, that would mean.... Yeosang has been captured for a long time? Like what does that actually mean in story.
BobbyJ: No, that's after Yeo's been retrieved
GD: Right, right
BobbyJ: I think there's a training montage that we've all missed out on
GD: I feel like there's a lot that we've missed out on
BobbyJ: Rocky is the training montage. I've decided just now
GD: Oh. Actually, that works. OH. That totally works???
BobbyJ: OH. You're right actually. I forget Beyond Zero happened after Epilogue. Huh. Even the album title makes sense.
GD: Huh. I think we have achieved Enlightenment?? For real?
BobbyJ: Wasn't about Yunho but we did Something.
GD: Incredible. Perhaps we should take this high note to end our bible study.
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