[Note: This series originally started as a project on Reddit, and involves no actual bible study. You can find a brief overview of what Bible Study is all about here.]
This week, as we close out our look at Zero: Fever Pt.2's diary book, we decided to give bible study a little refresh and adjust some of how bible study flows. We will be incorporating some new practices and approaching things a little differently to better guide our conversations and stay focused (even though tangents are the heart of bible study).
We are also joined by a guest, my in real life atiny friend, Murklin. Everyone, say hello to Murklin! Now on to the begging of the end (of Fever Pt.2)!
01: where are we in the story thus far?
GD: We're on the Outro today, which, swear to god, I've been anticipating for.. ever. I feel like I've thought it was coming for the last three bible studies and it just never came. Would you like to take our first summary or shall I?
BobbyJ: Story-wise, Jongho is currently in a trash cave looking for Grimes Girl's voice and is hallucinating that he's back playing basketball. We don't know why he appears to be going alone. Meanwhile, the Yunho team has approached Left Eye who is also hallucinating that his daughter is still alive, but we need him to get it together because he knows where the Guardian hideout is in order for them to find the cromer. Yunho sympathizes with Left Eye because he understands the pain of losing someone and keeping them alive in the only way you know how (I've just had an epiphany of sorts. A tiny epiphany)
GD: Oh good, an epiphany. A great summary btw
BobbyJ: That was my epiphany. That Yunho sympathizes with Left Eye not just because they both lost someone and felt responsible, but because they both were trying to keep that person around in ways that might not be healthy
GD: Ahhhh. I feel like we were circling around that last week with our discussion of Yunho
BobbyJ: We were
GD: That he's in the process of having his character arc achieved
BobbyJ: He has the best character arc for sure
02: thoughts on the page
GD: Alright, now we're going to share our "thoughts on the page" by each identifying a couple of notable things that stuck out to us, and then see where the conversation takes us.
Feel free to share your notable things whenever you have them.
BobbyJ: Intern had fun writing this one
GD: There's a lot to chew on. but the thing that sticks out to me most is that Jongho considers his past disgraceful. And also that these are the 2ho main character moments we've been wanting, and it's a shame that we didn't get them more visualized for us.
BobbyJ: In my AU, the intern had planned some sort of visual medium but then Sean was like "Sorry, we have to do Kingdom"
Murklin: I wonder if epilogue Yunho feels any type of way about how he treats Left Eye here
BobbyJ: I feel like Yunho is saying the things he himself needs to hear
GD: The timeline/epilogue stuff is almost a lot to consider because we know at the start of fever 1, Yunho was holding on to his brother in a way that was... not dissimilar to Left Eye here? Like, his brother wasn't with him, and yet he was basically pretending he was? Or that he could bring him back. But it's different in Epilogue because his brother actually is back
In Epilogue, his brother isn't an illusion... I feel like I'm on the verge of something important about illusions
But I'm not quite there
BobbyJ: His brother isn't an illusion, but it seems the belief that Yunho can change the past is
But I know that you don't love the idea of fate
Murklin: How many times do they say illusion on this page? 3 or 7 million
GD: 4 if you count deja vu
Murklin: I do not
GD: Do you think that Jongho's disgrace is that Ateez fell apart after he realized his dream was to play music? or do you think it's getting injured and having to cut his basketball career short?
Murklin: What is the point of this imperfect illusion smoke? Is everyone aware it's illusory or are some people more susceptible
GD: I also have thoughts about why Yeosang is able to successfully wear his gas mask to retrieve Jongho while Jongho is trapped in this illusion. And I guess it makes me wonder if certain mental states or feelings are more likely to be affected by the memory gas?
BobbyJ: Given that the moment he returns to is the game that caused his injury, it seems that he's never really let go of that moment. Like I know in the first diary, he realizes that dance is his new dream, but change doesn't often work instantaneously
GD: I suppose it could be both: 'failing' at two dreams. And the injury is the start of the 'failure'.
BobbyJ: If the failure is losing the dancing dream and the team breaking up, why wouldn't he go back to the moment he punched Mingi? Wouldn't that be the thing he feels most guilty/disgraceful about?
GD: You know how, when things are going wrong, you can look back and wrongly be like "and this is where it all started?" I feel like maybe it was something like that? Had he never been injured, he could've just kept going on 'happily'
Which is of course not true because I don't think he was actually happy playing basketball
BobbyJ: Impossible to say for sure, but I agree
I want to circle back to [GD’s comment about mental states making people more susceptible to the yellow smoke] because it's related to a Yeosang thought I have
He makes a very definite declaration to his father about where he stands and what his choice is. And he never backs down on that decision. I think we can see that in all the choices he makes moving forward. So, this would explain why he's not as affected by the smoke--his mind is already made up and he doesn't seem to have regrets holding him back.
If the smoke is created from burning memories, then it makes sense that they might prey on those who have past regrets that haunt them.
It makes sense in my brain, anyways
Murklin: I like it
GD: No, I was circling around the same idea so it makes sense to me too. I think it's the word disgrace for Jongho's past that gets me there. We already know that Left Eye is living with regrets, and I think... maybe there's a relevant lyric in Fireworks?
Murklin: Regret lyrics or disgrace lyrics?
Thanxx has you're gonna regret it if you keep doing this prior to sick and tired of it
GD: I am perhaps reading into this so just bear with me
This part:
I'm sober, only my heart heats up more
I will clean you up softly
We don't need nothing, ooh, no
and this:
This tremble you're feeling right now
Come to my side, come to your seat
We don't need anything to heat up
Like, maybe, if you know what you want.. you don't need an outside thing, maybe it's easier to stay 'sober' or unaffected by the yellow smoke
Like some sort of longing for something more outside of your control makes it harder to keep a clear head. I'm really explaining it as a metaphor for addiction but maybe that's right idk
I guess I'm thinking of the opposite of sober as being "clear-headed", which I'm sort of reading as determined and sure of what one wants, and Yeosang is, at this point, the only one who is that. So it makes a sort of intuitive sense to me that he has a better ability to handle the smoke.
Murklin: Or he has a functioning gas mask. Jongho's could just be janky
Have you guys talked about take me home, my beloved
GD: It's true. They did get these from children so who knows. But I like the idea that the memories feed on your own regrets and guilty feelings.
What are your thoughts on it here? I'm reading the lyrics now
Murklin: I don't know just the feeling of being trapped and suffocating
BobbyJ: Like the smoke feels like an escape? From that feeling I mean
GD: This bit stood out to me:
I'll have to get out of here and go back to my dreams
So tell me where I go to the other side
Murklin: I guess it works on both sides. Trapped by the smoke or trapped by the crushing reality
"I can't even choose where I want to go”
GD: Honestly that whole part "why always me? what I did wrong? Why am I in the rain for?"
It would, I think, track with Jongho's emotional journey thus far as I see it.
Murklin: But either way the only way out is with someone. People cannot live alone. Left Eye, Jongho, any of the members
GD: Yeah, we often talk about why this narrator, and technically we don't have a boy as a narrator here, but I think the question transfers to: why are we focusing on Jongho and Yunho? And perhaps it's because both of these moments show the pain and danger of going it alone--and showing the power of having someone else to walk the road with you
BobbyJ: I think there's a part in the Diary Film where Jongho talks about how hard it was not just that he couldn't play basketball, but that he essentially lost his team
Something about watching his team move on without him
GD: I remember something like that too. At the very least, I know there's some lonely shots of him watching others play without him
Murklin: Mmm his dream is not basketball or music but teamwork
BobbyJ: And there's the part in Fever Road where--was it Yunho?--comes and pulls him out of his bathtub of despair
GD: Oh god jesus I remember that
Was dark
Murklin: The darkest
And also take me home again. take me please out of the dark
GD: It's interesting though because when we actually read Jongho's page, it was a little perfunctory? He didn't seem to show as much conflict or emotional depth as the other members, and we didn't have a lot to say about it. But, I guess this is telling me that there's slightly more going on than maybe even Jongho realizes
BobbyJ: I feel like we said that about someone else as well--that we learn more about him on other members pages
Wooyoung? I think?
GD: Yeah, we've definitely said it about Wooyoung
But.. that makes sense with what we do know about Jongho, which is that he was sort of blindly running towards basketball because he was good at it without ever questioning why
BobbyJ: I'm thinking something along the lines of needing to see yourself through others' eyes in order to get the fullest picture. Which is on theme
GD: I'm circling back to something because I feel like I said it poorly and the idea is coming more clearly now
Those who are already trapped in the memories of their own pasts and haunted by them are more likely to be affected by the memory gas than those living in the now. Which I think we already said, but I needed to say it in my own succinct sentence before I could move on.
Murklin, I'm going to float an idea that BobbyJ and I played with last time during Yunho's page and see your thoughts.
We were considering whether Left Eye used to work for Z, and that's how he got this position in charge of the dump and also how he knows where the bunker is.
Murklin: Hmm
GD: We theorized that the joined up with Z after the death of his daughter, but then once Z took over, had some regrets, leaving him in the state he's in now. Or maybe I theorized
Murklin: I think it would have to be a pretty low level position. Never having actually met Z based on where Outlaw took us and showed us of Z's uh dismissal policy
GD: I'm not committed to the theory, but I do think considering it changes a little bit how I read his actions here.
BobbyJ: You've mentioned a couple times that Left Eye being in charge of the dump is a somewhat prestigious or important position. And maybe it's just the word "dump" really throwing me, but I've always interpreted it as more of a disgrace or punishment of some sort.
Murklin: "In charge of" by default since he's a smoke abuser that just lives there?
BobbyJ: As in "since this guy's already here, might as well put him in charge"?
I don't think it necessarily changes anything though? I could read it as the guardians finding some drunk rando and giving him a scrub job. Or having turned his back on Z, he's punished with a low-level position
GD: I don't know that I think it's prestigious as much as I think they would have a basic level of vetting for it
Murklin: I thought the school system sorted people into jobs
GD: Like, I don't think he got this position because he's being punished for being part of the resistance because that would be incredibly dangerous and foolish
Murklin: Did left eye used to do something else?
GD: He used to be a fashion designer
BobbyJ: Yes, prestigious isn't the word but I didn't know the word
Murklin: Well that doesn't seem right
GD: Could he have gotten this position as punishment for being a disgraceful addicted loner who's not pulling his weight? Possibly. But I don't think he'd get it for betraying Z
Murklin: Maybe he's from the a universe and is faking it in the z universe and took the lowest level position he could find where he would be unnoticed
BobbyJ: Implies that there are multiple ways in and out of Z universe
GD: Yunho talks about Left Eye's past a lot on his page, and while some things are hard to fit into Z universe, I think others are harder to fit into A
BobbyJ: I have settled on Left Eye's daughter's death happening prior to Z taking control. Left Eye does appear to be quite old. We debated this in Yunho's entry, but this is the interpretation I'm going with for my own peace of mind
Murklin: That he's an ancient?
BobbyJ: No, that Z's regime isn't THAT old
Murklin: Oh
GD: I think that's also how I read it. My Left eye timeline theory is going to be this going forward: his daughter dies, he becomes distraught and a different person who doesn't want to feel pain, Z starts to make waves and Left eye is supportive of this new regime and thinks it will make him happy, Z takes over, Left Eye is not happy, he learns about the smoke, becomes an old drunk, and then the android guardians find this man who used to be a prominent member of society and supported Z who was hanging out in the dump and are like 'hey, you'll do', then he wanders the dump until Yunho shows up.
Is it right? I dunno. But that is my theory that will help me sleep at night.
BobbyJ: I still have the lingering question of what exactly does Left Eye do in the dump? but I think that question will just never be answered. So I'm prepared to let it go
GD: "Manages" lol
BobbyJ: I also have the question of how a trash cave includes an entire cliff
GD: I've played enough dnd where this didn't phase me at all
BobbyJ: Perhaps my basic understanding of the trash cave is flawed
GD: There's always a perilous cliff inside the cave that you have to figure out how to cross
Do we have any other thoughts on the page before we transition to our next section of bible study?
03: praise and prayer
GD: For the Praise section, we each praise an Ateez-related thing that made us happy this week, right?
BobbyJ: Yes. Something specific. Can be more than one thing if they're small
The Kcon Hugging video filled me with the most joy possible. That's my thing
GD: What if that's also my thing? I don't know how there could possibly be a better thing.
BobbyJ: Jongho choosing violence over hugs is just so delightful to my soul, I don't know why
GD: I'll also claim the Hugging video but add two small adjacent things.
BobbyJ: I have also liberated quite a few 2Ho pcs this week, so prayer circle that usps actually delivers
GD: I love Koong, and I love the preview for the babies’ album, so as always I'm so incredibly proud of and excited for Hongjoong. [Editor's note: we met prior to the release of the babies' album, and it is every bit as good as the preview led me to believe it would be.] And also, I really loved Jongho in his shorts era.
Murklin: Mingi wore his pant pants to the airport and it reminded me of the vlog he did in LA where he also wore them and that brought up a lot of fond memories but it feels weird to praise someone for wearing pants
GD: I praised Jongho for wearing shorts, so if it's weird, maybe I want to be weird
BobbyJ: We do not question the things that make us happy.
Not here. Not in the sacred space
GD: Be the light
BobbyJ: Halazia
And that's it for the first part of our discussion! What do you think of our two main characters? Have your thoughts on Left Eye's Timeline developed? Let us know!
And we will see you back next week for Part 2 as we wrap up Fever Pt.2.
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