[Note: This series originally started as a project on Reddit. You can find an explanation of what Bible Study is all about here.]
Welcome, everyone. It's time to continue our discussion of Yunho's page by diving deep into a single line and seeing what truths it can reveal.
04: sacred practice
GD: I think we're back to the reading practice?
Which admittedly is my favorite practice but also the one I get most far afield on
Bobby: It is reading day
GD: Okay let me get us a line then
It is 6
"I hear my members' voices trying to stop me."
So what's happening at a narrative level in this moment?
Bobby: Yunho is confronting Left Eye who is coming out of his yellow smoke stupor and attempting to attack Yunho with a bat
GD: And Yunho doesn't listen to them, which feels important to mention though perhaps not actually important
What's happening at a metaphorical/allegorical level?
So this is where we consider this moment in the broader context of literature, thinking about this story and other stories.
I have a Thought, and I don't know that it's really allegorical/metaphorical, but I do think the thought needs to be backed into
So I'm going to take us on a short journey
We just talked about how you need other people and you can't go it alone, and Yunho calls them his members' instead of friends (but maybe I’ll come back to that bit). Anyways, it's interesting to me that they've set up this world where the team and other people are the important things in our life. Like, those things are the treasure and what we need to find. But here, he uses the word members, and he also doesn't listen.
And part of the reason he doesn't listen is because he knows the members are wrong and that they don't understand the context. So I think there's something in there about the idea that even within a team, you have to be true to yourself?
Bobby: Which takes me back to the Zach Sang interview
GD: A good interview
Bobby: And not for ranting purposes this time
GD: What rant? We've never ranted before ever. That's not us
Bobby: I think it was Wooyoung who talked about how each member has his own color but that they are beautiful when they are together
Or something to that effect
GD: Reminds me when he said that Ateez's color is rainbow
Bobby: Yes. And like, if Jongho isn't true to himself and his own style, then the group loses something. If Yunho dances just like Wooyoung or Wooyoung just like San, sure, maybe we've gained more uniformity (which some kpop stans seem to REALLY love) but we've also lost some of the color we once had
And I think the metaphor carries into relationships and group dynamics. Because you have to be true to your own color and what you know is right for yourself.
GD: Well it sort of goes back to what we were talking about earlier in a way?
They fell apart because they weren't the most truthful versions of themselves
Bobby: I was trying to think of an example of a story where a character ignores well-meaning advice from friends in order to do what they think is right. And I feel it's right on the tip of my brain
GD: I'm reminded of that Harry Potter quote
Bobby: I was thinking of Harry Potter but couldn't figure out why I was thinking of Harry Potter
GD: "We all must make the choice between what is right and what is easy"-- I think a lot of times our friends give us advice that will make our lives easier because they don't want to see us suffer or get hurt
But sometimes we know that's not actually the right thing to do
Obviously that's not always the case.. and I can't think of an example, but I feel it's true
Bobby: It reminds me of my last sermon--which I only remember because I just edited that bible study Friday--but it's like the opposite perspective. My sermon was about how we need to be brave enough to call friends out when we think something is wrong. But at the same time, we need to be true enough to ourselves to stick to our path even if friends are telling us to do something different.
GD: Right, both people have to live in their truth
Bobby: In both cases you need to know yourself well and also the bonds in the relationship need flexibility. Rubber not iron, so to speak.
GD: It reminds me a little bit of the community post I wrote as well
This idea that you have to find a community that fits and in order for it to fit, you have to actually be yourself.
Bobby: I keep thinking about the most recent OT7 live
Maybe because it's been a while since we've seen (almost) all of them together in a casual setting. But their group dynamics are really interesting. How at ease they all seem. And how at ease with each other. Just letting everyone be himself.
You can tell when they do any sort of reality/variety content that they all have their personalities turned up to 11, but in that live, there was this vibe of quiet acceptance that I just found so endearing. And indicative of their group relationship
GD: Do you remember when they all went through a rough patch?
I do think part of it was Atinys being demanding and insane on twitter, but I still think it was exacerbated by the fact that the Atinys demanding insanity coincided with the fact that they'd all moved to individual rooms and didn't share a dorm anymore.
Like, I think there was a sudden gutting of their community, and they had to figure out how to reintegrate to keep the community even if it looked a little different now
Which is to say, I think they're very close and rely on each other a lot, which makes an incredible amount of sense seeing what they've been through together.
Bobby: It's been about a week I think since I deleted reddit? And I have noticed that in general I have a much cheerier outlook on things. Or more like, I'm less aware of the garbage out there than I used to be
One of the things I know reddit loves to preach is that not all groups are like family or need to like each other. Which is absolutely true. But reddit always manages to say it like actually NO groups at all actually like each other and they're all co-workers and if you think otherwise you're delusional
And also "pAraSOciAl RelaTIonShiPs"
That was annoying to type but I needed to illustrate my disdain
GD: I'm convinced that most people who regularly use and comment on reddit are not actually interested in discussions--they're interested in being the smartest and coolest person in the room. And it's cool not to care
I do think this "it's cool not to care" attitude is what keeps a lot of people away from ateez. Because Ateez are the embodiment of the opposite, and I think that makes a lot of people uncomfortable if they look too closely at it. So instead it's all, they dance bad, or Jongho's high notes are bad, or they whatever, fill in the blank criticism form they have for Ateez
But I've told you this already, and I do mean it, I will not suffer through a single person saying a single word against Jongho from this moment on
Bobby: My point of course that I forgot because I slipped into confessional mode again is that I, a sane grown woman with multiple degrees and a full time job, do think Ateez are more like family actually and everyone can shut up
GD: A good point too
I'm only semi-sane, but I agree.
Did we even discuss metaphor and allegory? Do we have any other thoughts on those things?
Bobby: No, let's move on to whatever the third question is
GD: What does this remind you of in your own life?
Bobby: You'd think I'd know by now
GD: I had to go re-read the line even
But you know, I think I may have mentioned the thing that it reminds me of already.
I have a very... specific and undefinable moral code. Which often means that I really do more than I should when it comes to certain things. I have a real tendency to go above and beyond to make sure people are happy and that things are fair. And I've had friends be like "why? why not just leave it alone? it's not your problem" or "it's not your fault so you don't have to do that", and that is probably true
But I can't listen to them because I also have to live with myself
I have a very specific and really stupid example
I told you about how messed up the Minirecord 6 order was. Well, not only did Minirecord 6 mess it up, I also forgot to order the cards for Murklens and I. So I ordered for everyone in the GO, but then forgot to add our order of 12 (because it had 4 units), which meant that I hadn't gotten enough cards for Murklens. There was an extra Mingi from the GO, which she took, but she had wanted all 4 units, and we got sent 4 units total that had to be split amongst way more than 4 people. And obviously I felt very guilty over this.
It wasn't at all my fault that Minirecord didn't send enough units, but it was my fault that we didn't have an extra set of 12 cards to work with for Murklen and one of my other joiners. So we had like 7 unclaimed cards, and none of them were the units. Anyways, I bought Murklen and another joiner a 2ho unit card out of pocket because I felt guilty.
Bobby: (Confession: half the time you mention GOM stuff, my brain glazes over. Like that time you invented an Ateez card game and I just could not comprehend the rules. Which is to say I'm following you in spirit but not in detail.)
GD: Murklen told me that was silly and I shouldn't have done it because the unit cards are very expensive since they're so rare but, I still felt that I had to do it
The point is, I paid $20 out of pocket each for two people because minirecord didn't send me any units
Bobby: Yes, I get this. You had to do the thing to make peace with yourself.
GD: But I felt like since I had also made a mistake, even if my mistake may not have been the cause of not having any units, I should at least try to fix it
So yes, that's what it reminds me of in my own life
Bobby: I think everyone has a code, all different and for different things, but you have to just let people abide by their code. To explain mine you're going to have to suffer through a bit of what will feel like self-congratulation
So, I have often been told by many different people (friends, family, co-workers, friends' parents) that I tend to be very wise and give good advice. Part of this is that I am pretty quiet and observant when things are happening rather than actually being involved in the things that are happening (wallflowers, unite, quietly in our own homes). The other part I think is my enneagram 5-ness, which means I need to have ALL the information and see all the different sides and perspectives before a make a decision or judgment call
Usually
A side effect of all this is that I've always struggled with giving people advice they did not ask for. I was much worse when I was younger. We're all sort of convinced we know everything when we're in our 20s, but I think I might have been extra terrible.
There isn't time or space to tell the whole story here, but in grad school, I had a friend who insisted on dating another friend even after lots of evidence that he was not a good fit for her. I insisted they should absolutely NOT get together (to both of them). They ignored me, dated, and then had a messy break up (twice, actually).
That I happened to be right is not the point. After the second break up, my friend was at our (mine and my grad school roommate/friend's) apartment crying over the whole thing. And I very clearly remember what my grad school friend said to her when she was talking about how stupid she'd been
She said something like "You had to make your own decision and follow your own path."
And that really stuck with me. Because I've always had this mindset that I need to keep other people from making bad choices. But that's not actually my job. Never has been.
Bobby: And that was the thing I really had to learn--to accept the choices that other people make for themselves and realize it actually has nothing to do with me. Because for a long while I was getting hurt when my advice was ignored.
I am pleased to say I have at least grown out of that
GD: Well that leads us to our next question. Is this text inviting you to do anything in the now?
Bobby: One of the benefits of age is having a much stronger understanding of who I am and who I still want to be. And that means it's okay to ignore the well-meaning advice from people who don't have that same understanding.
GD: For me, I'm not sure that it is. My knee jerk reaction is to respond to my story and say that the line reminding me to have more patience with myself when I feel like I have to do something in spite of others’ advice, but I also think that's not actually true for me. I think Murklens was right, and I was being silly.
I think more accurately, I should look at what I'm doing and decide if it's something that's actually really important to me, or if I'm just caught up in feelings of guilt and acting on compulsions. So I guess it's inviting me to have a stronger understanding of what is and what is not Important to who I am
Bobby: That's the thing I think. Like, I don't feel that I'm being called to change anything? But it's just a reminder or reaffirmation of decisions I've already made
GD: That makes sense
Bobby: Like, to me, your choice to make sure pcs were provided for people who were expecting pcs makes sense. Because, minus the understand of a GOM, I think it's what I would have done because I would have wanted to maintain people's trust. Whether that would have been the right decision, I can't say. Just that I get why you did what you did.
GD: Well that's the thing--they had pcs. They didn't have their first choice pcs because those pcs didn't get sent at all
And there's no guarantee those pcs would've been sent if I'd ordered an additional set.
Bobby: The glaze is back.
GD: Fair
05: connections and takeaways (previously mental murder board)
GD: Do we have any connections or takeaways?
I don't have a lot, but I am struck by the imagery of breaking glass, and I am having a lot of thoughts about break the wall
Bobby: Yunho is Great
Is my takeaway
GD: He is
Bobby: And that feels like enough
06: closing
GD: Our closing thoughts then
A hymn for Yunho?
Bobby: Let me consult the playlist before I start throwing out ideas
GD: I have a wild thought. Thank U?
Bobby: We did that already
GD: Jesus
Bobby: Back during our wild days of one post per bible study and two hymns per boy. We were crazy
GD: What about a sister to Thank U. With U?
Bobby: Also taken
GD: Welp. I'm done here
Bobby: Hold on I'm having a thought
Okay. I have it
GD: It was a long thought
Bobby: My thought is Paradigm
Specifically because:
"Only going forward, see the light and it's bright/ Yeah we go rush/ Wash the traumatic past away"
GD: I like it. It also does feel like this represents a paradigm shift for Yunho
Bobby: Yes. That was my thought
It's his first trial
GD: Okay, then it's time for our patron saints? I always get confused about where they're put in.
or is it a prayer for Yunho?
Bobby: Prayer first. Then saints
GD: My prayer for Yunho is that now that he's starting to learn more about his own truth, he also starts to let his members in more
Bobby: Yes. And I want him to grasp everything he's offering to Left Eye
GD: Yes. Will you be taking your Yunho energy into this week?
Bobby: Yes. I had already decided before my Yunho Era began, so this is all just confirmation
Also it's Spirit Week. So, I need the puppy energy to sustain me
GD: Oh boy. That'll be exciting. At least the kids will be excited, and that's always fun
I will be calling upon Yeosang as I so frequently do
I have many things to package and much maths to be done, and those are things I dislike a lot. So I need his work ethic to get me through. Also baddie classes continue, and we continue to have defectors. I fear it will just be me and teachers soon.
Bobby: You will be the baddest baddie of them all
GD: It's a lot of work to be a baddie. And my knee hurts from the hiphop class, so I fear my body is too old and frail
Bobby: Feels like it. Why I stay home and crochet
I also have terrible knees for no other reason than genetics. Which is unfair
GD: Yes, I don't recommend baddie classes for weak knees
Now we have to do our rosary, and have we just decided that it should always be 8 makes?
Bobby: I don't think we have but we can. Unless something really obvious pops up
GD: It feels Right given where the story has gone. Okay, do you want to close us out then
Bobby: 8 makes
GD: 1 team
Bobby: Be the light
GD: Halazia
Excellent
Bobby: Good work everybody
Thank you for joining us today as we discussed one of the Best Boys in the universe and also contemplated how to be our Best Selves. Let us know if you have any additional thoughts to share. We love thoughts. And we love Yunho.
Okay, I am very much NOT a lore person (pls don’t hate me!), but I loved reading this for the discussion alone! Maybe reading these posts will turn me into a lore person. 🤔