Today, we are doing a sacred viewing of Halazia, the light of both of our lives. It's a bit of a mess and a little all over the place, and I secretly suspect we will need many sacred viewings devoted to Halazia, so it's fine.
Next Sunday, we will post the second part of our conversation, so we will just jump right in!
BobbyJ: I feel like I need to be making a list of phrases I want to dissect . Do we want to watch all the way through or pause and discuss?
GD: Let's watch all the way through and perhaps we should each keep a list of things that stuck out to us in the context of the video. Because we could of course just read the lyrics, but it's different with the video also on
BobbyJ: I need paper then
GD: Yes, I also just pulled out a notebook
BobbyJ: Alright. Are we ready?
GD: Ready
GD: Wow.
BobbyJ: So absurd people think San dies and I will never get over it
GD: It's just so good. Yes; the most absurd
BobbyJ: I'm going to ponder this set because it intrigues me.
BobbyJ: The circular opening with the circle of light and rubble on the ground, the way rocks are floating? It feels like somehow this is the place from which a big orb escaped. Where are they? How did they get here? Later on we see lots of robed figures in the background, so it feels like a literal underground bunker.
GD: If the orb escaped from here... well I have a lot of questions
BobbyJ: I have questions either way
GD: Well, sure. I guess my main question is does the orb literally exist in the world or is it a metaphorical orb?
I've leaned towards metaphorical due mainly to San's scene where he obviously doesn't die
BobbyJ: I mean, Yunho's obviously not really trapped in an hourglass. So how much of what we see is metaphorical and how much is meant to be literal? Is there really a Hala-scarecrow?
GD: Hmmm, a good question
BobbyJ: I still feel that this is strictland mythology
GD: I think we both think that the Hala-scarecrow is a Hala-cross right?
Not put up by the government to scare people away, but put up by the people as a sort of remembrance?
BobbyJ: There are three ways to interpret a T pose:
Sacrifice, martyrdom or 2. Open arms, welcoming or a surprise 3. basking in the glory; gaining attention
The loudspeakers tell me this is a resistance thing, don't you think?
GD: I do think it's the resistance
BobbyJ: The government doesn't use loudspeakers. They have those little mind control devices. We clearly see Ateez using loudspeakers in Guerrilla
GD: Right
BobbyJ: And in a world without art, we can't expect people to make something really beautiful. They did the best they could with what they had
GD: We'd also assume that most of the things used were things found or stolen, probably scrapped together from some place
BobbyJ: Right. And this isn't the actual uniform of course
GD: We know from Guerrilla too that the world is actually pretty affluent in parts--which also matches what we know of Don't Stop. And if you compare that to the locations they filmed this video in, everything here is really broken and run down, dusty etc, like it's beyond the reach of the government
BobbyJ: Do we think DS is strictland?
GD: I actually don't know on Don't Stop. Hard to say. But, it could be. I'd argue the scene where San and Wooyoung dance in this video is quite similar to the scene Hongjoong has in Don't Stop, but that doesn't make any logical sense timeline wise
BobbyJ: I think it's as similar to that scene as it is to Answer
GD: I don't know that that makes any sense timeline wise either, but I feel if we start talking about the timeline we will never recover
BobbyJ: No. Timelines are a trap
GD: So, what were we talking about? Oh, yes. I had a point that I hadn't gotten around to making yet. So, I was reminded of Equilibrium with the way there is this area clearly under-developed and slightly lawless outside of government control, but the area inside of the government control is all clean and nice and well-developed,
BobbyJ: You see it in a lot of dystopian literature as well
GD: I'm reminded a little bit of The Giver where there is the community, and then basically this area where the government patrols, and then just... something else
But I guess that brings up a very obvious point--strictland probably doesn't control the whole world. There's a whole area outside of their literal or metaphorical walls with perhaps other governments doing other things.
BobbyJ: I think I've talked about this before but it feels like there's nothing beyond Strictland. I know that there is, but it just doesn't feel like there is. But I think that's also a dystopian trope
GD: Right--I say it's an obvious point, but it is genuinely one I'd never thought of. In my head, it was just strictland and no other place but strictland
So I guess on a thematic level, once you're outside the capital, it would make sense that people start to see there is more to life than what the capital is telling them, and thus your resistance is almost born from knowing that there is actually more out there
And so it also makes sense that outsiders like newTeez, could help further inspire the resistance and help finish what Hala started
BobbyJ: Thematically, yes, that makes sense. Practically speaking, they must have some sort of wall or barrier. How else could they keep their emotionless people from mingling with the emotion-full people? And that brings me back to The Community and Panem and any other dystopian city.
Also reminds me of the warehouse and the iron gate. And the idea that every dystopia is someone else's utopia and that utopias are often walled off
GD: Someone is benefitting from Strictland; it's a great place for someone
Oh, I'm reminded of that other dystopian movie that's name escapes me
With Matt Damon, maybe? And the very, very rich people go live like on the moon and have perfect health care and everything is wonderful and great for them. But the people on the Earth have to like mine the resources that the moon is using
BobbyJ: The people who benefit are always the ones in charge
Oh--yes. I know what you're talking about
GD: There's no sickness, no healthcare problems, no pain or suffering. But it's a real shit show on Earth.
BobbyJ: Elysium?
GD: Yes! I don't even know that I liked that movie, but I remember it vividly
BobbyJ: I may or may not have actually watched it. Can't say
GD: It's just sort of underscoring this idea that not every one can participate in the utopia? For some people to have utopia, other people by definition can't have it
I have a desire to read the Utopia lyrics, but I'm going to refrain
[GD watches BobbyJ pull the Utopia lyrics up on her screen]
I see you will not be
BobbyJ: I do what I want.
I feel like Ateez's Utopia isn't exactly a Utopia but it's more like a dream?
GD: Yeah, it's interesting because parts of the lyrics read like they're also not sure what they're running towards, but they will keep running because there must be something better
BobbyJ: This is interesting--like every time he dreams a little more of the map is revealed?
Following the blurry afterimage, one stroke each night The sketch map is almost drawn
The blurry afterimage reminds me of when you like wake up from a dream and you're trying to remember the fuzzy details
GD: I agree with you--it's like he's slowly dreaming into existence his utopia?
It makes me wonder if it's a bit of a metaphor for slowly figuring out what you want out of life
BobbyJ: Then this line:
If it's a world without its existence I'll make it close to our life
So, if it doesn't really exist--we'll just make our life as close to it as possible?
GD: Right, he won't stop until it's as close as possible to this dreamed existence he has
I'm just thinking about these lines with what we know of him from the diaries
And it's... interesting. His dream at the start of the fever diary seems to be "to be a star" with the motivation of "have my family notice me", so we see real change here
BobbyJ: This is post-diaries though. So, this is the new mentality after all that struggle. This is the mentality they are taking with them into Strictland
GD: Right, I'm imagining his character growth, and thinking about how you can sort of draw a line from those original goals to where he is here
BobbyJ: Mingi's verse is interesting in how it contrasts with Hongjoong's
I can't sleep, my voice is hoarse again My knees are worn out because I only run forward Look on stage, I went crazy amidst the cheers The broken steering wheel hasn't stopped Go to the top, our way is high too Me who was wandering, I raise my head and go to the sky Without sleeping at night, run until I see my dream When my hands reach it, make it to the top
GD: "without sleeping at night"
BobbyJ: He's not dreaming. He's just running.
GD: Just keep running, maybe a dream will appear
BobbyJ: But doesn't that kind of fit with his character? He couldn't afford dreams
(The broken steering wheel is throwing me all the way off)
GD: It's interesting because the verse almost sounds tired too? His knees are worn out, his voice is hoarse. And I took the broken steering wheel to mean he doesn't know where he's going, he's just going as fast as he can to get there, where maybe this dream is
BobbyJ: "Me who was wandering" is interesting. Didn't know where he was headed, but he sure was moving forward
GD: Isn't that similar to his lines in Turbulence?
BobbyJ: Well. . .
GD: Something "wanderer" I can almost hear it in my head
But perhaps it was a different boy and I'll be sad
Don't know the destination, falls after wandering around I wander for the right direction wanderer Wings are broken and swept away, I'm scared I'm sick and tired, it keeps moving away from me
I was right
BobbyJ: Broken wings, broken steering wheel
GD: He basically says here he's tired and his Utopia verse made me feel tired
BobbyJ: But isn't that the point? Chasing your utopia is hard. It's painful. You can't just sit back and dream about it. You have to do something
GD: Well under most people's timeline this would come before Utopia, so it's interesting that... some things have changed, but not a ton? He seemed to feel worse about it during Turbulence, but he's still running as fast as he can, sort of directionless. The fear seems to be gone though
BobbyJ: I think the only really difference between the two is his attitude. He's tired and broken in Utopia as well, but he's still running forward
GD: Like now he's made his choice. This is what he's doing, and he's just going to do it
BobbyJ: Reminds me of a discussion we had about Jongho as an idol
GD: Oh, interesting because I was thinking it reminded me of story Jongho in high school
BobbyJ: That there are parts of this life he doesn't necessarily love, but he does them anyway because this is the life he's chosen
GD: Jongho on the brain for both of us
BobbyJ: When is that ever not true?
GD: Probably some time though can't name it off the top of my head
It would be interesting if we knew what Mingi's "make it to the top" meant since his dream is unclear. I guess that's the thing about the lyrics in utopia though; what the utopia is is sort of undefined
BobbyJ: This line feels a bit out of place to me: Look on stage, I went crazy amidst the cheers. Like he can't be saying "I want to be famous"
GD: I think it's like Hongjoong--"I want to be beloved, seen, heard, noticed, etc.” But also more like, the cheers made him feel a certain high, and then it made him even more confused. I don't necessarily think it's a good crazy
BobbyJ: It feels like a very accurate representation of what actually happens to him onstage
GD: He does absolutely thrive with an audience. I love that we are supposed to be discussing Halazia lyrics
BobbyJ: It's all connected. Probably
GD: Take me to Mingi's Halazia verse, maybe. Let's see if it turns out to be relevant
Who are you? Uh, it's just me, myself and I Who are you? Who are you reflected in the mirror? Who are you? Behind this road lies expectations within expectations Where do I stand among the next and future generations?
Ohhhhh
It's the who am I?
BobbyJ: I do also take full responsibility for this tangent
GD: The "behind this road lies expectations within expectations" just wow. What a line
BobbyJ: Right? Feels like a Hwa moment
GD: It feels like everything to me--like it's one of the most insightful and universal human experiences
BobbyJ: I'm wrestling with "behind this road" a bit
GD: I'm wondering about the tense of it. Or not tense exactly, but the word behind. Which is not tense at all. A preposition is what it's normally called
BobbyJ: I feel like the idea is more like the foundation of the road? Does that make sense. Like, this very visible path that you're on is paved by people's expectations?
GD: Yes, that makes excellent sense and was sort of my feeling that I couldn't express with words
BobbyJ: English doesn't have a proper preposition for it. Underneath might have worked but isn't quite right
GD: It's almost as if it's being used as a verb? Which is maybe why I called it tense. Like building this road
BobbyJ: It's like the saying "behind every good man is a good woman"--that "behind" implies a lot of action
GD: Yes. A metaphorical behind that is actually some sort of action
BobbyJ: Like backing someone up. But in this case, it's more like those expectations can be a true stumbling block because he's doubting himself. Like the implication is "who am I to take on this responsibility?"
GD: I'm reminded of another line in the song and a line from Jongho's diary. The "I want to know, if it's okay to live this way"
BobbyJ: Yes, I jotted that one down
GD: It reminds me of Jongho's line that I built my sermon so preciously around. And at the time, my point was something like, we all feel like this, all the time. And I think that's possibly why Mingi's line here really speaks to me
BobbyJ: (Because Ateez's lyrics are EXCESSIVELY relatable and I will never shut up about it)
GD: They are incredible. Truly incredible. I want to cry about how incredible they are. When I read them, I am often overcome with emotion
BobbyJ: I need to know: “Just tell me your. . .” what?
GD: Yes, that one hurts. It's not at all clear through context. I feel like I want it to be "okay" but that doesn't really fit the song
BobbyJ: And that part is in English so we don't even have Korean to translate
GD: I think I want it to be okay because it rhymes with "way" and they're talking about whether they're okay this way?
BobbyJ: I was just thinking that perhaps your should be you're. I have seen some English translations (from KQ) use the contraction in places where English speakers normally wouldn't
GD: It would make it make more sense, I think. I did have some thoughts about the "love's breath"
BobbyJ: Yes, I jotted that one down too
GD: Mostly I wondered what it meant, and then I wondered if it meant something along the lines of anticipation or excitement? You know in the early crush stages, you're all giddy and breathless? Something like that. But then Hongjoong also has a line about breath. "Just let me take a real breath"
BobbyJ: I don't get the feeling that it's about a relationship. It feels more about the overall idea of love and emotions
GD: Does it mean something like... let love breathe into me so that I can feel love? Like making love some sort of force that can infect one?
BobbyJ: Although, if it is talking about a metaphorical relationship, then "just tell me your/you're/you are" could be something like "just tell me you're here with me.” Because there's a lot of darkness imagery. So the idea of being able to hear someone you love breathing in the dark, letting you know you're not alone
GD: I don't know that I do think it's a metaphorical relationship--I just think we use a lot of breath terminology around anticipation and excitement and used a crush as an example
I was thinking more just the general idea of "the sound of love's breath" could be the way your breathing changes when you're excited
BobbyJ: Also the idea of inspiration--which literally means to "breathe into" which goes along not only with what you were saying about being filled with love/emotions but also the connection to art
GD: Ah, yes, I think I like that more. Though I do think it can be both; it could be both and more probably
BobbyJ: I don't think it has to be one or the other
GD: It never does in this sort of thing. I am just more drawn to the idea of love breathing into someone.
I think the imagery is pretty
BobbyJ: If I went to a fansign and told Hongjoong I really liked the metaphor of love's breath giving inspiration and/or making someone feel giddy and alive I'm sure he'd just go with it
GD: "Oh really?"
BobbyJ: What's he gonna do? Fight me?
GD: He's for sure going to smile and say "oh really?" and then nod. And it will be very precious and perfect. His eyes would get very big and he'd lean towards you too
BobbyJ: I can't go down a fansign tangent because people on twitter have been getting on my nerves
GD: Well, consider that my BobbyJ and Hongjoong fanfic and we can continue on with our journey
BobbyJ: Since we're here, I just want to talk about this section:
Mm, the little blue bird that's lost its voice I can hear the whispers The beginnings of a deep echo The voice that will overturn the world
Because the progression is just so good
GD: This, for me, is actually, simultaneously, one of the most beautiful lines and the hardest for me to parse
BobbyJ: It reminds me of a song from Narnia and I'm struggling to remember who sings it
This one. These lyrics specifically:
It started out as a feeling Which then grew into a hope Which then turned into a quiet thought Which then turned into a quiet word And then that word grew louder and louder 'Til it was a battle cry I'll come back When you call me No need to say goodbye
GD: I remember this song
As a good clowntiny, I've done a google search
From a random webpage: Some believe the bluebird is a symbol of joy and hope; others, that good news will be arriving soon. Others still think that bluebirds represent a connection between the living and those who have passed away.
BobbyJ: If the bluebird is meant to symbolize hope, it would make sense to say it had lost its voice
That people feel hopeless
GD: I think not knowing what the bluebird represents is the thing that trips me up about the metaphor and thus the lines. I liked that random google page for the last line: that it represents a connection between the living and those who have passed away
BobbyJ: Here: from KBS
To them it seems the blue bird is a messenger of hope. So the metaphor about losing its voice makes a lot of sense
GD: A very helpful article. But I also like the idea that hala (who I do think are dead) are the ones who started the whispers
BobbyJ: I would've killed them, were I the Intern. Murdered them in glory
GD: Yes, for story purposes, I feel strongly that they should not be there. They can also be banished to another realm, I suppose
BobbyJ: But I do think they are still around just in case they need to be pulled out of retirement. I don't like it. Feels like a loose end.
GD: If hala is out and about, then ateez isn't needed. If hala is locked away, then the goal becomes get hala, not save the world. So hala should be dead, so that the goal is to save the world
BobbyJ: The mentor has to die. This is the rule of fantasy
GD: I guess another okay option is that Ateez thinks they're dead and they continue the story as if that is true
BobbyJ: I suppose. Gandalf wasn't all the way dead
GD: And then if the intern needs to pull them out for some reason, she will just have to explain where they were hidden away
BobbyJ: Which is easy when you have unlimited dimensions and a device to travel between them
GD: I feel like breathe and breathing have a very strong, strong presence in this song beyond the two lines that directly mention it. Even whispers, voice, echo–all tied to breath in a real direct way
BobbyJ: Hongjoong's "take real breaths" is interesting. It reminds me of Illusion
GD: Before I say anything else, this is one of my favorite Hongjoong raps. To me, it very much feels so... bound up. Like this almost anxiety and desperation to do some unknown thing really crawl out of the lines for me. But I do have a question. Why is our Hongjoong, because it is theoretically our Hongjoong, feeling so desperate about what's happening in Strictland? I don't even know if that question makes sense, but I guess I find his desperation a little at odds with where he should be in the timeline of this story
BobbyJ: One thought is that it's not that he's speaking as himself but more like he's telling a story. In the first part of his rap it's like he's channeling the feelings of people trapped in Strictland. But then in the second half, he's responding as himself, talking about the waves (which I want to discuss). Like it's a conversation? When you pair it with Mingi's rap (also a conversation), we once again see the contrast. Two different sides of the same story. Hongjoong seems confident in his reply to the anxieties (the waves ARE made, not that they need to be made or might be made) whereas Mingi is questioning his ability as the "hero"
There's also the idea that this is the story of Hala and Ateez being told simultaneously, overlaid together. So in a way Hongjoong is playing both roles
GD: That makes sense. I was wondering if it was because this story is told from the viewpoint of someone else, so this isn't truly how our Hongjoong feels, but the perception of how Hongjoong feels if you believe him to be Hala Joong, which is all very complicated
But I like the idea that his last 3 lines are him saying basically that it's all about to change forever; it's all about to be better
BobbyJ: So what I was thinking about the waves--my first thought is, of course "Wave" and the ocean wave imagery they've used so often. But here specifically, I think he could be referring to sound waves--as in loudspeakers, music, the blue bird's voice
Music is the resistance's weapon of choice
Kind of like how "pirates" could be yo ho ho--or maybe it's more like pirate radio
GD: Ohhh that's a good point. I also thought wave like the song Wave. But now I almost am interested in whether sound waves could also be read into the song Wave. They definitely say ocean blue and hakuna matata so may be a reach
BobbyJ: I feel confident Wave is not set in Strictland, so probably not
GD: I feel no such confidence but you're probably right. Did any other lines stick out for you? I had two others beyond the ones I already mentioned
BobbyJ: Yes, I have three that I just think were lovely
In shackled freedom (Yeah) A small fantasy within me
GD: The shackled freedom is very interesting to me
BobbyJ: When you pair it with "small fantasy within me" it makes me think of Hongjoong dreaming of Utopia
As in, you're only free in your mind
GD: Sadly I need to take us on a small tangent
BobbyJ: What are we here for if not to not talk about the thing we're supposed to talk about?
GD: I was doing book research, and I discovered the Disney neighborhood Orlando, and it was like this scathing write up of the horrible underbelly, so like a really biased article. But it was basically about how all these people wanted to move to this Disney neighborhood that was like a small town, which was supposed to be so perfect. Really picturesque and had its own shopping centers and schools and all this pristine landscaping. Like living in a place as wonderful and perfect as Disney. But once they moved they found it had all these weird rules to keep the image of perfection. So like they'd literally measure your grass. And so people who lived there ended up going crazy, and there was like a murder suicide and a bunch of alcoholism and just, some really terrible things, but everyone would talk about the pressure of having to maintain this perfect Disney house in the Disney neighborhood.
And I'm just imagining the Strictland sort of propaganda write up where they talk about freedom from emotions will make you free, but it doesn't actually do that at all.
BobbyJ: Oh, Celebration? Isn't that what it's called?
GD: Yeah! I think that's the name
BobbyJ: I mean, they say emotions are a disease and no one wants to be sick.
I was thinking about this while watching Halazia--that the city looked so ruined, but I don't think it was a hostile takeover. I think Z made a lot of promises of prosperity (which he apparently did keep)
And the people were like "yeah, I don't want to be sick and I do want to be rich. Sign me up"
GD: Their whole mission statement is like "we're doing all of this for you, we work for you"
And if the prior government was bad--even if it was just a place like where ateez came from--that would be enticing
Like "aren't you tired of working insane hours and always feeling like you're stuck or it isn't enough or always getting disappointed when things don't work out? Well get ready cause we can fix all of that
And here is where we both got tired after thoroughly reviewing two songs that were not Halazia, so we will be back next week wrap up our thoughts on Halazia.
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